How many of you like conflict? Now if you raise your hand I will think you are a person who likes to challenge or argue, but many times well there are reasons behind that. Oftentimes people who say that they like to challenge or argue won’t like conflict.

So if no one or very few people like conflict why do we have so much of it?

I think why we have so much of it is because people want things their way or believe things ought to be a certain way. 

We live in conflict within ourselves and then bring it to the outside world. When we release the “shoulds” it releases a lot of conflicts around us and with others. 

Now I am not saying that is easy. I am not say that is even possible to do for people who choose they don’t want to.

However what I am saying is being aware makes it easier. 

So what are some “shoulds”?

A “should” is something you think someone ought to know. For example, I am training my puppy to go to the potty spot and he doesn’t go, he “should” know to go there. Because he doesn’t I can get frustrated, mad at him or put him in time out. How I respond is up to me. 

I was talking to someone who told their father to get their mother birthday flowers. Their father got a cactus. They were upset and said he “should” have known better. 

I suggested pictures of what kinds of birthday flowers she would like and send them to her father.

She said no, he should just know.

This person wanted to stay in the frustration of “should” instead of a different response. 

We all have choices in how we react to situations. 

Now that you know what “shoulds” are in conflicts, how are you going to reply?